he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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