you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
