If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
