before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
