So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
