she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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