There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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