totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
