Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
