Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
