This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize