shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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