I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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