Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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