I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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