The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Still dying that you shit outside
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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