I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
