So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize