Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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