your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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