I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
