after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
