take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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