yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wear drunk well.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
