Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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