I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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