We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
