I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
