Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
