What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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