Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just want nice things and good sex
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
