Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize