i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
