Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
