I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
