Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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