do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
