butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
