You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
