from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
