Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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