he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
