My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
