normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize