just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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