As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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