He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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