it wasn't lemon gatorade
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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