I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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