so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
