Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
