What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we're making bets on your personal life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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