If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
