The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
