Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize