there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize