you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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