I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
