he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
