I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize