I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
